I wrote a rather long post about yoga and Christianity over on my Wordpress.

Feel free to give it a go. :)

~Lady Tam~

Y'know....

If you think yoga is of the devil..

That simple, common stretches can somehow cause you to be possessed of the devil...

Literally..

Or that practicing it will lead people astray....

Then why...

Oh why...

Even bother with an Christian alternative?

Could it possibly be..!

Juuuuust possibly....

That it is NOT the stretches themselves...

But rather...!

..

.....

........

THE MEANING YOU YOURSELF ADHERE TO THE STRETCHES?!?!

"No, that's silly, Tam; that's just bullhonkey! YOU'RE AN AGENT OF SATAN I JUST KNOW IT!!!! D:< "

The world is crazy, and it's attempting to take me with it. BACK! BACK YOU FOUL BEASTS OF INSANITY! BACK I SAY!!!

(My original post for this was much more in-depth and serious, but then I got mad at LJ and went for my nightly walk. I think if I try to think on it seriously any more I may end up with bruises on my forehead from all the *headdesk*ing. So we're just going to leave it like this.)

I walked half the time without music; I just needed to expel energy in relative silence. The bus of my mind was filled with argumentative and frightened 'Christians' who were giving little Buddhist monks a hard time. The Buddhist monks were trying to meditate the heck out of there, but it wasn't working.

So I turned on some O-Zone remixes, and stopped the bus. Some of my original characters, and characters from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic climbed on board, and threw off all the Buddhists, Hindus, and argumentative Christians.

I was surprised by how many of my OC's have so much in common with the ponies.

Also, Jesus took the wheel, because I was far too exhausted.

Things got a lot better after that.

I may take a shower or something. We'll see.

~Lady Tam~

From my writing blog.

As in, "back to the ol' drawing board", which I think is something Wile E. Coyote said in some of the later Looney Tunes after a plan of his failed miserably.

It's becoming increasingly clear that, if I want to use my characters in a publishable form, I'm going to have to completely revamp their origin stories.

Reading back through CSWP is giving me a clearer idea of where I got my characters from in the first (and also explains a lot about why I've been so unwilling to go back over it with a fine-tooth comb), but it's giving me very little in the way of something usable.

Still, I'm pushing on. I'm not sure why. Part of me feels that now that I've made the decision, I need to stop reading the blasted thing and just start the aggravating re-writing process. The other part of me says "No; you need to understand where you got them from in the first place before continuing on."

It's getting all mixed up in my head. I really don't know whether to abandon it completely, or continue working through it. It's like reading an old journal; painful, slightly amusing, mostly embarrassing.

I -want- to finish, but sometimes...I just don't know. I just...I don't know.

I need help. A personal secretary. Or maybe a large sledgehammer and an abandoned junkyard.

~L. A.~

Originally posted on my writing blog.

Tonight I became utterly frustrated with CSWP.

I was in the bath, reading it and taking notes on my Kindle when I heard screaming from the kitchen. I got out of the bath, cursing; I knew it was probably nothing, and wasn't in the mood to do anything other than work through the Monster Documents.

It turned out I was right, one of our tea jugs had sprung a small leak, and my husband hadn't realized I was in the bath. By the time I had gotten to the kitchen, he had mostly taken care of things anyways.

As I stood in the kitchen watching him take care of things, I felt like crying. Not because my bath had been disturbed, mind you, but rather because CSWP twists my mind around, and makes me remember thoughts and feelings I've long since resolved.

What's more, it seems my beginning stories are more ramblings of a confused girl trying to make sense of a confusing world, and less stories with any publishable value to them.

After the tea was saved via a funnel and a non-leaky, empty jug, I went back into my bath...and cried a little. My husband, concerned, asked what was wrong. It took me a moment, as it always does, to try and explain to him what was wrong, that my stories that I put so much of myself into were making me a little crazy. Or, crazier than I am already, anyways.

He suggested starting fresh, starting all over with something that has nothing to do with anything I've written before. The problem is, I've tried that; things eventually come back and lead into one another for me; I can't seem to keep things completely separate; they HAVE to touch on each other in at least SOME small way. And I can't explain why. It's just how things normally turn out. Maybe it's my reluctance to let things go. When I find someone or something I like, I tend to have a hard time letting that thing go. (This is another reason I probably shouldn't have kids; I'd be very over-protective!)

On another note, I found some documents and one-shots I had uploaded to deviantART some time ago that I had forgotten about. I've begun the process of saving them to my computer, and removing CSWP stuff from my dA account.

Here's to finding new and exciting stories that I completely forgot I'd written! :D

~L. A.~

So I know what I want to write. I want to write about my experiences overseas, perhaps in slightly fictional form.

However, it seems to be a gigantic task for me to sit down and actually do it. I've done pieces here and there, but actually sitting down and focusing on it seems nearly impossible when there are so many other interesting distractions: Husbands, computer games, movies, work, etc.

When I vented some of these frustrations to Cib, she suggested that I read "War of Art". So, I bought it [Kindle version] and started reading it.

It started out great! The first few chapters were incredibly inspiring!

And then...it wasn't. I hit the chapter about fundamentalism hard, and realized how much this guy contradicted his own excellent points.

In my mind, one can't say "any kind of spiritual discipline takes this kind of practice, and is totally cool and awesome!" and in the next chapter say "anyone who has spiritual discipline is just The Man trying to keep you down!" You have to make a decision of which it is; you can't say both.

There were further instances of such things...talking about how even if one has a family one can still pursue one's passion, then in the next chapter talking about how he sacrificed even having a family in order to pursue his own...etc. etc.

It just didn't set well with me, and made me massively angry. Does this guy not have a clear-headed, objective editor? What's more, are people really so gullible...people whom I look up to and respect...as to not see how contradictory this guy is? Or do they simply look passed it, whereas I'm unable to?

I don't know, but it was a total fail for me to try and find inspiration from. Don't get me wrong; his good points were good, but I just wish he had stuck with the good points without instantly going on, without so much as an apology, to contradict them. It drives analytical people like myself insane!

This makes me wonder if instead of being a writer, I should be an editor. Or maybe a mathematician. Numbers are easier to understand than people.

Anyways...all that to say that, I'm having a hard time finding the inspiration necessary to sit down and write. And I hate that the guy who wrote "King Kong Lives" may be right about some things concerning Resistance, while being so massively wrong about others.

I wish I could just get away to a more fun, exciting life where things make sense. I really do.

~Lady Tam~

Thus far, I'd have to say it's a cross between Beijing, Hong Kong, and Singapore. [Singapore City is its own country.]

( Beijing. )

- - - -

( Hong Kong )

- - - - -

( Singapore )

- - - -

I honestly don't think I could ever pick just one favorite place I like in the world. Every place has its own amenities. But these are the ones that are currently my top three! ^___^

~Lady Tam~

I've started a new, more public blog. It's part writing practice, part opinion and thought sharing.

My intention is to share my thoughts and opinions with the world, but in a much less personal and dramatic way than what I typically share here. [Hopefully, no rage-filled, f-word injected rantfests of pure rage.]

Feel free to leave your thoughts and comments. :D

Edit: I forgot the link.

Here ya go! --> New Blog.

~Lady Tam~

I used to think anyone who liked channels like HGTV was an old fogy or boring douchebag with no sense of adventure or spontaneity.

Now it's one of my favorite channels.

Have I become a boring douchebag?

~Lady Tam~

June 10, 2010
Thursday
Early Afternoon

My Zune is on random, and it is playing "The Eyes of Truth" by Enigma off of their album Cross of Changes. It reminds me of my apartment in China.

I know what I want now, and it really is impossible. It involves time travel, or at the very least for the last five years to have been a horrible dream, and for me to wake up during my first semester in the PRC, but with the dream still fully intact.

I want my own, personal apartment in China back. I want my leisurely, 18-hour maximum teaching job back. And, along with that, I want Argyle, my wonderful husband, enjoying it along with me. And I want this to happen in my mid-twenties, with my new improved bosom that doesn't make every move I make such a horrific chore.

That's what I want. And it's hella unrealistic.

I have a hard time understanding why people are so hesitant to go on an adventure; life is so very dull here, and it's -such- a big, wide world! I don't understand why going on an adventure to most people means leaving all their loved ones behind, forever and ever amen. And, after seeing people from all ages and all walks of life...yes, even some with kids...live overseas, I understand it even LESS.

I didn't understand it before I started travelling the world, and I don't understand it now. I don't understand people who sit and complain about how boring and unsatisfied they are with their lives...but refuse to try and do anything to change it. What the crap is so great about being miserable? I just...*sigh*....I just don't understand.

When I was miserable growing up, I couldn't wait to be in control of my own life! I absolutely despised living with miserable, depressed people. What's worse, I didn't understand why I was supposed to embrace their misery, and make it my own! [Seriously, what is up with that? Just because you're miserable and refuse to change your life for the better doesn't mean -I- have to settle for that. Geez...]

I -still- don't get that. I don't get why people want to be around me because I'm cool, different, and exciting, but then some time down the line decide they don't like me for being cool, different, and exciting. I haven't changed; I'm still the same person [pretty much] that they've always known. Yet, suddenly, they find me totally unacceptable. They find my dreams and desires completely unrealistic. They find my behavior odd and destructive. But I'm not acting or doing or dreaming anything different than I always have.

Or maybe they hang out with me just because I'm reasonably attractive, and wear a G-cup. I don't know. [What, me bitter? You've gotta be joshin'!]

I just do not understand the world, and the world doesn't understand me. And I don't mean that in a detached Goth or Christian manner; even among misfits, I'm a misfit.

I wish someone would tell me how exactly I'm supposed to turn this talent for being "different" and "unique" into profit. At least then I could make some money off of this deal. But every time I mention it, it's "NO!!! THAT'S A COMPLETELY UNOBTAINABLE GOAL!!! HOW DARE YOU EVEN THINK OF SUCH A THING!!!!" Well, *@#% you. I didn't ask for your permission to be Goth, or to be Christian, or to be adventurous, or to be anything that I am. I simply am, and no one, thus far [save for psychologists and therapists I sought out on my own to sort through these issues that often comes with being "special"] has ever been able to change me.

I wish people would stop saying they want to get to know me and be my friend, when they don't really mean it. It would make my life a -lot- easier, because I'm gullible and often lonely for someone to connect with, and I often buy their BS.

*sigh...*

DOES NO ONE UNDERSTAND ME AT ALL?!?! Am I truly alone in the world?!?!

Or have I just been reading too much Sinfest?

Any thoughts or ideas would be very much appreciated, though if you're just going to critique how wrong I am, you might as well leave it at the door. I need encouragement here, folks, not discouragement.

~Lady Tam~